Connection Requires More than Good Intentions
Just because you build it doesn’t mean they’ll come
Haley Ingersoll, the founder of the Pittsburgh Chamber of Connection, recently posted the above photo on LinkedIn and it immediately resonated. She walked past a bulletin board intended to foster connection between people and found nothing but a large blank space underneath the header “Let’s Get Social.” As Haley put it, “we say we want connection, community, and belonging, but often, there’s no clear path to make it happen, or we wait for someone else to get the ball rolling.”
Or, as I instantly thought, just because you build it, doesn’t mean they’ll come.
Unlike a 1980s baseball movie, simply creating a space isn’t enough. People do all sorts of things in the name of fostering connection, like organizing a community event, creating an employee resource group, or offering up a conversation prompt on social media, and assume that the rest will take care of itself. They create these opportunities with the best of intentions and then wonder why people don’t take advantage of them. What many don’t realize is that the invitation is only the beginning and, without the right conditions around it, even the most genuine efforts can fall flat.
People’s willingness to engage is largely determined by their level of psychological safety, a term you may have heard people use when talking about organizational dynamics. But the root and meaning of psychological safety is simple: do people believe they can show up, contribute, and take a social risk without being judged, embarrassed, or excluded for it?
The moment someone encounters that bulletin board, they’re asking themselves questions they may not even be aware of. Will people think this is a dumb idea? Will I look out of place? What if I write something and no one responds? How do I start a conversation with people I don’t know?
These are very real, split-second calculations that people make before deciding whether to reach for a marker and contribute. The moment the answers feel uncertain, most people will opt out because even if they really want to connect with others, walking away feels like the safer choice.
Psychological safety doesn’t magically appear just because we want it to. It has to be built intentionally and comes from consistent, low-stakes interactions where people learn they won’t be penalized for showing up as individuals. Authentic connection happens in environments where ambiguity is reduced, intentions are understood, and people feel clear about the expectations of them.
Speaking of expectations and clarity, “Let’s Get Social” is a nice sentiment, but it’s not a call to action. What, exactly, are people supposed to do with that prompt? Write down programming ideas? Leave their contact information? Share something about themselves? There are no guidelines for how people should engage or what information they should provide. When people are unclear of the next steps, they may walk away simply because they don’t understand what they’re supposed to do.
This is the part that even the most well-intentioned community builders underestimate: the invisible work that has to happen before anyone actually connects. It means thinking carefully about what our communities want and meeting people where they are, not where we want them to be. Perhaps people in this community would prefer to start with a one-to-one conversation before making their ideas public. Or maybe they want to know who else is going to read their comments before submitting them.
Too often, we jump straight into the action step without thinking through the implications of those actions. We put up the bulletin board, launch the program, or plan the event and get frustrated when people don’t show up the way we hoped. But connection, like psychological safety, is not something you can manufacture in a single exercise. It requires thoughtful, intentional design and a willingness to adapt to other people’s needs.
The blank bulletin board isn’t a failure of the people who walked past it and refused to engage. It’s a signal that the scaffolding wasn’t quite there yet. But the good news is, scaffolding can always be built if you’re willing to put in the effort.
Have you been in an organization or community where the conditions were so well designed that people couldn’t help but engage? Or have you watched a well-intentioned effort fall flat because the foundation of trust wasn’t there? Did you appreciate the movie reference just in time for baseball season? I’d love to hear from you and happy to connect about anything on your mind! Feel free to share in the comments, reply to the subscriber email, or drop me a line at hello@theconnectors.net.
What stands out here is the recognition that connection is not created simply because space exists for it. Most people are conducting quiet emotional and social risk assessments before they ever participate, especially when expectations, norms, or psychological safety remain unclear. The point about “Let’s Get Social” being emotionally inviting but operationally ambiguous feels especially important because uncertainty often causes people to disengage long before anyone notices externally. I also appreciate the compassion throughout this reflection; the empty bulletin board is interpreted not as failure or apathy, but as evidence that meaningful connection requires more intentional scaffolding than many communities initially realize.
Spot on!