Remote Work Isn’t Why Gen Z Struggles to Connect
It’s easier to blame technology than focus on the efforts we must make to forge connections
I recently found myself in a conversation I’ve had dozens of times. This person was upset that her Gen Z child was struggling to make connections because they often work remotely. Without daily in-person contact, they didn’t know how to show up professionally and engage with their colleagues, and apparently this was why they were underperforming and not enjoying their job. She argued that people can’t truly connect through a Zoom screen and began to hypothesize about the downfall of society and the workplace because technology has taken over our humanity and stunted the next generation of workers.
It threw her for a loop when I disagreed!
Once upon a time, I had the same limiting belief that meeting face-to-face was the only way to forge real relationships. But if COVID-19 taught us anything, it’s that you can leverage technology to create deep, authentic connections with people through a computer screen – if you’re open and willing to put in the effort.
Let me be clear: I always prefer to meet people in person. Sitting with someone, getting to know them, and seeing their verbal and nonverbal cues gives us a better sense of who they are as an entire person. It requires a lot more effort to pick up on those cues through a screen, but it absolutely can be done. Putting in the work to forge connections through technology can also reap major benefits, like connecting with a vibrant group of people you may never have encountered otherwise.
I’m not a technology apologist and understand the many ways it can be used for harm. But the problem isn’t the technology itself - that’s a tool just like any other. How we choose to use that tool is what matters and that choice can have a profound impact on ourselves and the people around us.
So, what efforts do you need to put in to forge better connections through a screen?
Intention, Attention, and a Learning Mindset
First, you need show up with intention and a desire for connectivity. This may sound silly, but most people communicate formulaically and don’t think intentionally about the reason for connecting. Think before you type that email, send that Slack message, or jump on a Zoom meeting. What is your goal for this outreach and what are you hoping to come away with? These don’t have to be big goals by any means. Your intention could simply be to show up as your authentic self and get to know the person on the other end. Or it could be that you want to get the other person interested in collaborating. Think about your own intention and what you hope the other person will come away with.
Pay attention to what the other person is communicating, whether overtly or subtly. This requires you to be extra observant of things like context, side comments, and facial expressions (or in messaging form, emojis or punctuation). If you observe closely, you’ll find subtle cues that might give you deeper ways to connect with one another. Perhaps they mentioned that they need to take their pet to the vet or were struggling with the winter weather. Small, seemingly throwaway comments like these can give you a springboard into forging a deeper connection. So, the next time you message or talk to that person, you can ask if their pet is okay or how they’re holding up with the cold. Demonstrating that you’ve taken the care to remember these things about the other person will immediately make them feel more valued and can establish deeper levels of trust and engagement over time.
Ask open-ended questions with the goal of learning and curiosity. In our quest to understand people, we can sometimes take shortcuts and make presumptions of what the other person is saying. And, in our haste to want to seem engaged, we sometimes listen to respond rather than listen to learn. Whether verbally or through a messaging/email exchange, try to weave in questions that allow you to learn more about the other person and approach this from a perspective of curiosity. Your goal is not to be able to immediately respond to the answers and showcase your own knowledge. Rather, the goal is just to learn more and expand your understanding of that person, their knowledge, and their perspectives. If you truly digest and learn from the conversation, it will impact your continued engagement and connection.
Let’s look at one of my own workplace examples where technology became an invaluable tool to connect with my team and open up my world:
In 2022, I became Chief of Staff of a Belgian-headquartered nonprofit with a largely virtual team across four continents, and all employees reported directly to me. Suddenly getting a new boss frequently triggers concern, confusion, and skepticism. Getting a new boss that lives many time zones away can understandably exacerbate those feelings. I wasn’t scheduled to travel to Belgium to meet the team in person for several months, so we would need to hit the ground running through Zoom, Slack, and email.
I began to build trust by not just sharing reassuring words, but by modeling the behavior that I wanted to see in each of them. I invested time, both individually and in team meetings, to learn their strengths and helped identify areas where they wanted to grow. I was candid about my expectations of them and what they should expect from me. Being clear and transparent was an intentional strategy on my part and helped me earn their trust very quickly.
Most importantly, I spent time getting to know them as people. I set aside a few minutes in every meeting to talk about anything they wanted – whether it was work related or not. I learned about their passions, struggles, family lives, and hobbies. I openly shared about my own life (when they asked) and set the tone that we were allowed to be real people in these meetings – whether they needed to get up for a cup of coffee or have someone walk through the background. We made space in Slack channels for “non-work” conversations and encouraged support for one another no matter the topic through emojis, comments, and gifs. I led with my own values of showing up as my authentic self and encouraged them to do the same.
When I finally met my team in person, we had established deep connections, and my first day in the office started with a bunch of hugs rather than handshakes.
Several months later, a Gen Z employee confided that she applied for her dream job and asked if I would write her recommendation letter since I really knew her and her work ethic. I couldn’t have been happier or more honored that she trusted me enough to be candid and felt my endorsement could help her leap into her next adventure. We had only worked together for 8 months and met in person twice, but our connection was so strong that she sent me flowers to thank me after she left the organization and we remain connected and supportive of each other to this day.
Connecting to others is a crucial (and missing) skill for so many, and focusing our collective humanity can help us leverage technology to build those bridges. Showing up as your authentic, curious, and engaged self will always help you cultivate relationships.
So how are you using technology to forge deeper connections? Feel free to share in the comments below (or subscribers can just reply to the email to connect directly with me).
If you want to work on developing your leadership and connecting skills, check out our open enrollment workshops or learn more about our individual and group coaching opportunities. Or just reply to this post to get a conversation started with me.